... I bealieve jealousy is a perception that might be changed.
A while back I asked you to leave possible questions and hopes or ideas about the blog for me and I received very good ones indeed. I have already answered several on my blog posts and will continue to do so this year. If yours never gets answered to please don´t be offended. It´s either that I feel the answer feels too private or I may not remember them all in the end. But I will do my best. One was a question about jealousy. If I as a “privileged” person feel that people are jealous of me. And if so then how do I consider these feelings. And do I think financial or status differences create jealousy.
I quite honestly don´t think people are jealous of me. I hope some might admire some qualities in me like I admire qualities in others. I would like to think I´m a nice and sweet person ( most of the time) and when ever I am with someone I hope I make them feel comfortable and good about themselves around me rather than jealous of me. Obviously the question mentioned that one´s friends or family who´d know your struggles ( as no ones life is void of those), would not be the jealous ones, but ones acquaintances. But yet again I honestly don´t understand why they would be. I have lovely things going on in my life but then again they are lovely from my point of view not necessarily someone else´s.
But I do have very strong opinions about jealousy as a feeling and how useless it is and how a slight change in perception might be able to help one get over it. And I´m not talking about jealousy as part of a romantic relationship here, that is a whole different feeling ( in Finnish there are two different words for these feelings but English language has to my better knowledge stuck with one). ( edit. I later realised that envy and jealousy could be these words and I may have been better off talking about envy rather than jealousy)
It´s important to learn how to differentiate the feelings of admiration and jealousy and focus on the first. It´s healthy and useful to admire others and to let ourselves grow towards something we admire. But to just be jealous of something is not fruitful. I sometimes feel that jealousy is the opposite of gratefulness. As you know I´m a big supporter of the thought of being grateful for the good things in life, even the smallest one ( “my coffee was hot this morning and so darn delicious”). Instead of focusing on the things we are jealous of we should focus on the things we are grateful for. I know it´s not always so easy. That is why it´s important to realise that jealousy is a waste of our time. What are we jealous of? Prosperity, looks, love, family? Is it more often the superficial things? If it is then jealousy is a never ending game. There is always someone with better legs, more money, fuller hair, nicer skin, bigger apartment, shinier car… the list is never ending. And so is the nagging feeling of jealousy if one gives it room to grow. Instead we should focus on something very different. What is good about me and my life. What could be the qualities that make me interesting, admirable or even beautiful ( could as well be something on the inside you know). We all have something another person would love to have so let´s focus on being grateful for that and to cherish it instead of being jealous of something we don´t. And yes I know it would be nice to have more money, be thinner, have more of the things we admire and sometimes find trivial. And yes sometimes we are jealous of things we can´t have or wish we already had but don´t, like children, a dream job or a great love story. But jealousy of others who do have that is not helpful as the world does not work in a way that you would get it if they did not have it. So as hard as it may feel, trying to be happy for the friend or acquaintance who does have that something you wish for eventually makes you feel better. If it does not then is it possible to try and cut that person out of your life, your blog feed or your social media*? Let´s not let the nagging feeling of jealousy eat away from the things in our life we should be grateful for.
Somehow jealousy feels to me like a feeling that belongs to high school. It´s the kind of thing one grows out of as we see the world and realise there is more to life than most people let passers by know. It belongs to a stage in life when we are still a bit naive and our view of the world and others is limited and narrow. When we actually think that someone could be perfect. When we don´t know better. Do you think it sounds right?
And please don´t get this the way that I´m saying it´s not right to have certain feelings or that I would be an advocate for always being happy, preppy or even grateful. I´m just trying to say a change of perception might be helpful and that we all have something others want and others have something we would love to have. The best way forward is to either do something about it or to enjoy what you already have.” It´s not about getting what you want but wanting what you have.”- quote fits here so well.
When it comes to the other part of the question and the “presumption” that people are often jealous of monetary difference or difference in status I would like to disagree a little here. If you really think hard would you be more willing to sacrifice wealth or love and happiness? What do you admire more in life? I think we think we lust after monetary things but when it comes down to it the people we admire most are the ones happy in where they are regardless of their status. Or perhaps it´s just my view of the world.
I hope my rambling did not get you all confused. I would love to hear what you think of the subject!
I wish you have a good weekend!
Muutama aate kateuteen liittyen vastauksena yhteen blogiaihe toiveeseen. Kiitos tästä hienosta aiheesta! Toivottavasti kirjoitus edes jotenkin sivusi aihettasi, vaikka en ihan kaikkea ehkä saanut tähän sisällytettyä kun innostuin muuten kirjoittamaan kateudesta tunteena.
p.s. We easily seem to think that if someone is not loving what we do they are ” just jealous” of us. But I don´t think it´s necessarily so. I know some people actually find the way I blog ( or am) irritating not because they want to be like me or are jealous of me but because their view of the world is different from me. It obviously goes the other way around too. Like they say ” you can be the most delicious peach in the world but there is always someone who does´t like peaches”. That can not be brushed off as jealousy. We don´t have to like everyone and everything. What we do have to do is be kind about it. One really doesn´t need to voice all of their opinions online or even in real life. But when someone does just remember it usually speaks volumes about the person and his/her wellbeing and balance rather than about yours.
* Social media is a great soil for jealousy ( and the before mentioned irritation) to grow as we look at the picture perfect life of others and compare them to ours. Some may feel like everyone else´s houses are always clean and they only eat healthy foods and look fit. And then others get frustrated about people who edit the everyday life out of photos and think these people are fake. As any smart person would do though is to realise that those who cut the hanging laundry out of the photos are not the type of people to have them hanging when they have guests arriving either or just like visually pleasing pictures. It does not mean we don´t do laundry ( or try to hide the fact that we do), we just think that others know it´s there, outside the frame of the shot. I know some of my friends have whining kids in the background while they take the pretty picture of a coffee cup but I enjoy the picture regardless. Probably a lot more without the whining. But if I was there I would not mind the whining. My kids whine too and yours and your neighbours and your co-workers. We all know it in the end…