Jul
18

Things that make me happy

by Sofia   -   in Random

As not to be all melancholic here, I wanted to share a list of things that make me happy.

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Hot bubble baths after a long day.

Reading in bed on rainy days.

Sun filtering through the trees.

The smell outside after it rains.

Biting in to a perfectly ripe fruit.

The first sip of the first cup of coffee in the morning.

White porcelain.

Beautifully written words.

Dancing with my girls.

Putting my hands in dough.

The scent of lilacs.

Desire in the eyes of the person you love.

Wind on my face.

Clothes that fit perfectly.

Birds chirping.

Putting on a white robe after the shower.

Bubbles glididng upwards in a champagne glass.

Ironed fresh sheets.

Candle light.

A breeze on a hot day.

Have the most wonderful and positive day!

Lattemamma

 

 

 

 

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Jul
16

Still

by Sofia   -   in Random

I did not mean to go missing for a whole week but then as they say, life happened. There was work ( a trip to Chicago that I loved) and then there was just the important things like holding a few months old baby ( no, not mine) and holding some bigger babies ( yes mine). Then suddenly it was time to head out to the island and I ended up lying around in the sun being very busy trying to not lift a finger. And there I was lying still, very still like the sea that looked like a mirror of beautiful soft blues of the sky and some cotton candy clouds scattered here and there but just barely. And I thought that that is exactly what my life was supposed to be about right then. Just now. 

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I have this nagging feeling all the time that the summer is ending and the school year and the hobbies start. Usually I´m very eager to head on to Fall, I love Fall. But this year there are just too many open ended questions about it that I feel at loss. I love planning ahead and knowing where I´m headed and when the element of that stability is missing it makes me feel very restless. I´m also learning that I am not very good at dealing with disappointment when things don´t go as I had hoped or planned and it makes me feel anxious. Both the fact and the issue. So lying very still staring at the sea just feels like a very good place to be right now. I don´t know about you, but sometimes I feel very grown up and in charge and sometimes like everything in my life just happened but I´m still a child or at least a very young adult and not thinking about things makes them go away. Even throwing tantrums ( small scale and mostly just in my head) feels like a good way to handle things sometimes.

But instead I try to breath in and breath out. Looking at the birds gliding past, laughing as they go I wonder if they feel happy and free. Or perhaps they too are yearning for more. More time, more warmth, more moments that stand still. And I wonder how when nothing is wrong and your life is filled with love on top of love and you have made it your life´s purpose to hold on to the people you love and to cherish them then something so trivial can throw you in for a spin. 

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Jul
6

Letting go

by Sofia   -   in Random

Do you have trouble letting go of items of importance, stages of life, saying even temporary goodbyes to people you love? I am definitely the kind of person who gets teary eyed at the last Spring recital of pre-school, hugging a loved teacher goodbye, I mourn a lost toy if it was a very important one to my child and so on. Moving houses would be very high on my list for things to mourn. Even if it were time to say goodbye and move along in life I find it hard to even think about letting go of important memories, not walking up the familiar stairs my children first crawled up, then walked with wobbly feet and now jump two stair at a time. Even the thought of it kills me and brings tears to my eyes.

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I know people who love moving along in life, they find it exhilarating. The children´s milestones are just that, milestones on a forward moving life. To me they are mileposts where I stop and look back at time and get all sentimental.

I wonder how, where and why we humans got built up so differently. So many time someone has told me I´m silly or ” you are really not going to cry are you?” or ” you are so ” sweet” ” , but the emphasis on the word sweet speaks more for sentimental fool. I literally started crying at our last “Neuvola” or baby & child nurses meeting a few weeks back when we went in with both girls and the nurse hugged them and wished them well in life and told us how much she has enjoyed all these years with our family ( I have had the same person from the first time I got pregnant over 9 years ago). We bought her a pretty bouquet of pink peonies to say proper thank you´s and good bye´s and when I told this to my friend she basically just said ” Sofia” in the tone that says “are you nuts?”.

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Don´t get me wrong. I´m always enjoying the moment as much as I can and planning and daydreaming my future daily. I already dream of days when the girls are older, when they get their first boy ( or girl)friends. I can even imagine what kind of grandmother I would be. What I can do with my husband when the girls want to do their thing and it´s just us two etc. I´m not opposed to moving ahead. I love planning a ” next apartment” ( bigger and better of course like we would even need such) and I love the thought of a lovely future ahead. But yet, I can not help but always feel so sentimental and sad when a certain part of our lives is left behind. A certain phase. it´s like finishing a really really good book and being a little sad it´s over even though you could not stop reading to spare it to last a little longer.

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